Column A : "Vague, widespread, cramp-like pain, accompanied by bloating, tiredness, gas, and occasional nausea.
You may also have diarrhea, constipation, or bouts of both. "
'Nothin we can do, go home, try to have less stress, eat better'.
Column B:"Chronic abdominal pain along with dark urine and yellowish skin and eyes."
'Viral hepatitis. Ow. You're boned.'
Column C: "Moderate to severe cramps that wax and wane, or occasional cramps that flare up after meals,
and vomiting, especially if the vomit smells like stool. Other possible signs include watery or ribbon-like stools, or no
stools at all"
'Intestinal Obstruction. Go to an emergency room right NOW.'
Yeah.. Anyone besides me notice how very similar these are and how they all resemble "Damn, I don't feel so good.. kinda have a nauseous ache in my belly and have for a while now'? Wonders of modern medicine, people, wonders of modern medicine. You're either about to die, or need to eat more bran. *headdesk*